Flashcards SAY NO

Flashcard / Habits / SAY NO

CASE STUDY:

Issue:

Your Client/Manager calls panicking and screaming and it feels like s/he is blaming you. You drop everything on the spot,  and go in “Rescue/ Apologies / Justifying” mode… When the pressure is off, you regret this extra commitment but it is too late as you do not want to “let others down” and not deliver to (your own!) commitment. 8 Hours of your time have just been committed in a way that was not scheduled and that will impact higher priorities…

Drivers:

Saying NO” is emotional: when others push back on WHAT we did, we might take it personally and associate the issue to who we are: “I did not deliver” becomes ” I am a bad person” and then “I might lose my job, status, promotion… (you name it)”. When the emotional fear of losing something important triggers, we  no longer think logically and do whatever it takes to restore the safety (we say … YES!).

Solution:

-Create the habit to 1) Breathe one time deeply before answering to a request and 2) ask time to check your calendar

-Create the habit to 3) Reframe what you understood of the request and 4) ask the others how long they think this should take to complete

-Create the habit to 5) State that ” by default, I would like to help/please you and I want to ensure I have the capacity to deliver before I commit and 6) ask the others what will be required for success?

Value:

1) -> Breathing allows you to acknowledge the emotional impact of the ask on you

2) -> “ask time” allows you to process internally the pro and cons of emotion vs logic

3) -> Reframing helps you to proceed the ask at your logical brain to balance the pulse of your emotional brain

4) 6) -> Ask others and make them talk 1) buys you time and 2) starts alignment process (logical level)

5) -> Reframing builds safety (it is not against you!) and reduces the urge to answer quickly

 -> You can safely regroup and make a decision that addresses both your rational and emotional needs.

-> Instead of saying Yes, you say “No” with a statement that protects the relationship safety (“Not personal”)

-> Better management of emotions, less stress, more focus on higher level priority, better work live balance, more authentic relationship-> more trust.

My next step(s):

-Add habit to your “Habit tracking Apps” (Strides…)

-Add habit to your Daily / Weekly review / check list

-Add habit KPIs to your other KPIs

-During your daily review, read this flashcard (<2 min) and visualize you the success of you applying the habit during one of your upcoming meetings

-During your daily review, think of the last day and celebrate (redeem your reward)

-During your daily review, think of the last day and learn your lesson (impact of not doing the habit, notice what prevented you from applying the habit)

-Ask your Accountability partner exactly 1) how they can support you and hold you accountable and 2) when/how often they should do it

-Add a visual cue (post-it on wall;/screen, reminder on calendar…) that is visible during the ask